He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ttyl tear gas
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
