remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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