i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Welp...herpes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
