Soap is not a condiment
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
