Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
