you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
