I bet he comes in French.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
