He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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