All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
