Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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