I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
