Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
