She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
