So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
