No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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