I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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