my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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