bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
