You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
