i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize