I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
