I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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