Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
