who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your cock deserves a montage
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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