who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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