mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
