everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
