I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
