i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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