I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
