Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
