I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
