Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Boobs speak an international language.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
