i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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