so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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