please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
