I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
