I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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