WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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