My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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