Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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