tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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