I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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