i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize