Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
