ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
