she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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