Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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