I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
