He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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