we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
