While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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