from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
