i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
