Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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