dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
