Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We left the knife in your bed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
