I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
