I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize