Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize