And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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