I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
