I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
