Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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