there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
