dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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