Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
