And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
