if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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