Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
