Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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