I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
