it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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